Ava-gab example: “Sivva-giv ovva-gorn ivva-gis
avva-ga favva-gat cavva-gow.”

Translation: “Siobhan is a fat cow.”

-Popbitch, April 2002

Rumour has it that Siobhan left the band by saying she was just off for a pee, and never returning. She denies the rumour, but it’s certainly better than that bloody story about Robbie Williams asking if he could keep the apple.

Now that Sugababes, dominated by horrendous former Atomic Kitten Heidi Range, have become bland R’n'B sultresses, Mutya has also sodded off. Siobhan claim she and Mutya are now friends, and focusses her public criticisms towards Buchanan. But it hardly seems like a bloody coincidence that her second stab at the charts (a first album in 2003 failed to break the top 100) clashes with Mutya’s first, does it?

Anyway, the fight is on. Mutya’s effort, “Real Girl,” is a catchy, but faintly bland slice of pop-soul, heavily dependent on a killer sample, a modified “It Ain’t Over ‘Til It’s Over.”

Siobhan, on the other hand, has strayed further from her pop roots. “Don’t Give It Up” combines low-key electro backing with unashamedly Kate Bush-aping vocals.

Round 1: Song

For raw melody, Mutya has a clear advantage. But the song’s so dependent on the sample that you find yourself longing for the original. It’s perfectly serviceable but entirely forgettable, disappointing for a former Sugababe. It doe.s have one exciting moment, however - when the intro bursts of sample threaten, for a second, to turn into Paul Mcartney’s “Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time.” Now that would have been interesting.

On first hearing, Siobhan’s effort seems like a pretentious, tuneless misfire. Repeat listens are rewarded, however, as the song’s floaty-light shape becomes more clear. It’s so rare nowadays to hear a slice of pop that doesn’t get progressively less interesting on repeat hears, it’s hard not to admire Siobhan’s stab at avant-garde. Nevertheless, it’s hard not to feel the array of interesting noises and vocal instrumentation would have been enhanced by an actual bloody chorus.

Verdict: Round 1 - Buena

Round 2: Video

If Mutya’s single betrays a certain lack of musical ambition, the video makes her look downright lazy. Lounging around a bed looking at photos! Dancing with friends! Coquettishly displaying shoulders! Excuse me while I doze off. Worst of all, it’s so utterly fraudulent. Mutya is 21, with a two-year-old daughter. But here’s, she’s portraying a 14-year-old girl’s fantasy of grown-up life: stylish drinks in mysteriously uncrowded cocktail bars, a ludicrously large swanky flat. At least in the video for “Smile,” Lily Allen’s bedroom moping took place in a space that actually resembled a teenage girl’s bedroom. Veering from breakdancing one moment, to slinky dresses in a georgian townhouse the next, Mutya’s “real world” seems anything but: a split-personality stab at grown-up style.

Siobhan, too, has clearly lost all interest in the real world. But at least she’s got the guts to embrace it, to dive into fantasy and give us some proper weirdness. It’s a shame then that, like the song, the video to “Don’t Give It Up” lacks a proper core beneath the camera-film-advert imagery. Siobhan waves pretty fabric in desert! Siobhan writhes in ruined building! Siobhan looks slutty in cheap cafe! What does it all mean? Bugger all, one suspects, unfortunately.

Verdict: Round 2 - Donaghy

Round 3: Image & Personality

Let’s assume, for the sake of fairness, that the bullying rumouts surrounding Siobhan’s departure from Sugababes are exaggerations, and that the two really are friends. Even so, it’s hard to feel good about Mutya, morals-wise. Always the group’s most woodenly stern-faced member, she obtained a sudden enthusiasm for dance when required to grind, hotpant-clad, like just another R’n'B ho in the video for the band’s (admittedly magnificent) “Push The Button.” Steely ambition is all very well, but to throw away years of hard-won credibility in a last-gasp attempt to break America seems a bit cheap (although, in fairness, Mutya can’t match stage-school product Range’s frightening ‘pick me, Nigel’ hair-tussling). Noting the breezy plainness of her first single, and the numbing blandness of her duet with George Michael, and it’s clear Mutya’s ambitious, determined, and probably destined for success - but entirely lacking the independence and personality that seemed to shine from the Sugababes in the early days.

With her embrace of art-indie stylings, Siobhan has drifted far further than Mutya from her former band in terms of music and visuals. But in spirit, she seems more in tune with what we loved the ‘babes for: confidence and kookiness. While Mutya launches her live solo career at Ronnie Scott’s, the standard record-industry bid for “serious artist” status, Siobhan is performing at Popjustice Live, suggesting a capability for irony not apparent in her video. She even DJs at Trannyshack! Nevertheless, there’s a certain heaviness of touch to Siobhan’s solo image that seems downright depressing in one so young.

Verdict: Round 2 - Donaghy

What made Sugababes special was their combination of three rare factors: the street-savvy confidence of urban British youth, the fizzing energy of the best pop, and the creative ambition and lyrical sophistication of late-90’s indie and hip-hop. At best, Mutya retains a little of the first category, and she’s clearly striving for the second; we must hope the slick stylings of R’n'B don’t get in the way. Her duet with Groove Armada, and rumours of work with Justin Timberlake and Amy Winehouse, suggest things could get much more interesting.

With her 80’s art-goth fixation (her myspace profile influences include Cocteau Twins and This Mortal Coil), “interesting” is clearly what Siobhan’s determined to be. But she shouldn’t stray too far from her pop roots, even if it means admitting she may need a little help on the songwriting front. We don’t need a Kate Bush wannabe, not while the original is still going so marvellously strong; but a sophisticated, intelligent young singer offering decent poetic imagery and exciting soundscapes would could find a huge market in a music scene starving for ideas after the bleak years of commercial dance.

You can make your own mind up, and vote for your favourite ex-Sugababe below. Mutya will inevitably win the commercial battle. I think I do prefer Siobhan, for all her pretension; give her a good melody, and I think she could really do something. But here’s a thought. Why should the former ‘babes be fighting amongst themselves? It’s Keisha Buchanan, with her pair of bland replacements, who really deserves a chart kicking. Let’s get Mutya and Siobhan together, mix up some interesting sounds, and pit that against Sugababes’ next bland slice of electro-soul. Now that would be a chart battle worth tuning into Scott Mills for.

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