Rav Casley Gera

It’s a special time of year, one which every time it rolls round prompts debate about the commercialisation of tradition, the declining significance of religion in Western society, etc. Now, I’m not a religious guy, and I do enjoy both commercialism and chocolate. So, I’m not what you’d call an Easter traditionalist. But even I’m slightly horrified that the symbol of Easter this year appears to be row after row of scary gold chocolate bunnies.

Look at them! Look how creepy they are! Armies of them, with their little bunny ears and black, soulless eyes.

The bunny invasion seems to be emanating from somewhere in Central Europe. Lindt, the fiendish posh-choc purveyors whose mark appears to be all over this sinister phenomenon, is of course Swiss. But it was in Germany - Berlin, in fact - that I discovered what must surely be the epicentre of the swarm.

Calmly it sat there, brazenly displaying its large, threatening ears. It was as large as a small adult big, or baby cow. Surely, I thought, this must be the queen, the mother of the whole sick enterprise? Who knows how many future bunny-armies she was breeding inside?

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw next. Not showcasing itself happily in the window of this upmarket West Berlin chocolatier, but lurking silently in the corner, just visible through the monogrammed door.

My blood ran cold. What was this alien, upright bunny-mutant? Some sort of guard, specially bred to watch over the queen? Or, worse, a new generation, a sign of chocolate bunnies to come? Tentatively I moved round for a closer look. The thing fixed me with its dark eyes, black and empty like a hole the bottom of which, were you to fall in, it would take you a week to reach.

No sooner had I secured photographic evidence than I fled. I knew I had to survive to warn the world of the danger that lay before it…

Today, they will surely make their move. Be on guard. Stay indoors. And pray, men and women of the free human world. Pray.